I have published several novels (four under my own name), produced films, taught at colleges and universities, and coached many, many survivors of childhood trauma in locating their “joy-spot” and thriving on their chosen paths.
The only way to find the joy-spot is to soften into our pain. Most of us tense up, try to flee or fight, numb ourselves, or otherwise try to avoid fear, anxiety, discomfort, and everything that hurts. The culture around us, pretty much globally, supports this - beat things into submission, control everything (appetites, waistlines, feelings, urges, thoughts, etc.), “fight” anxiety/depression, etc.
But what if we stopped fighting everything? What if we just listened to whatever was trying to come up/come through? What if we sat with the hurt and let it be sad and broken and just…let it be and do and say what it needed to?
The joy-spot is obviously a play on the G-spot. Both are located deep within, they are hard to find, you have to concentrate and be patient and take your time, and they can both unlock ultimate bliss.
Sexuality and spirituality are inextricably bound (why else would religion work so hard to control/contain both?). In Kundalini and the eastern religions/philosophies I was raised in, the serpent energy represents sexuality and the life force, and it is the ultimate fire that winds its way up to awaken, enlighten, and illuminate. Our body is the flute through which the life force flows to awaken us.
Trauma interrupts this. It splits us up, fragments us. The joy-spot is about knowing everything is one and the same—that sexuality is the doorway to spirituality. It’s the creative life force. And pleasure is a song the Divine sings through us.
The erotic carvings on the Khajuraho temples in India are not about sex. They point to the doorway of transcendence. The very name comes from khajur, the fruit of the date-palm which, at the time, was a symbol of sweetness and pleasure…the place where the senses met the sublime. The joy-spot.
Black lesbian feminist poet, Audre Lorde, famously wrote about the power of the erotic to transform. When that power is suppressed, repressed, oppressed, violated, or otherwise stripped from the sacred, it is very easy to control entire groups and nations.
In a world that loves to control, dominate, and divide…I invite you to pause, breathe, and meet me at the joy-spot.
